dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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