dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She's the barista slut.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
