mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Randomize
