I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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