ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
