I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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