they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
