Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
