There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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