Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
