Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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