i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Randomize
