WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
