i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
That accounts for only three of the penises
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
