first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
