Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
