I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
