I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
