Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
