I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
