He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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