you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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