my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
