ugly people sure do ruin things
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
