I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
