Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
