how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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