And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
