Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
