im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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