it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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