Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
