Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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