Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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