Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
