no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
