It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
He felt like a one man threesome
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
