I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
