I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
