if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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