please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
