it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
