My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
