My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
