this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
