I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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