So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize