just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
