Got a toothbrush?
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
