If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
