9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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