I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
