i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
