She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
