also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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