It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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