I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I wish you could order shots online.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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