Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
