you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize