i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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