you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize