How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
