i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
