My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
