i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
