There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
