he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
