I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
