Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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