i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
