You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
