Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize