When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
