He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
FUCK WHALES
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
